Calgon take me the EFF away

OH MY word, you should have seen the hot mess who was in Rite Aid tonight.

She walked in all frazzled- a toddler on one hip, carrying a baby in a carrier in the other arm. She hadn’t showered, had gray roots taking over her highlighted head. She sighed and grunted getting the toddler into the cart, with the baby carrier inside the cart. The toddler, had a runny nose, and was yelling for water at almost the top of her lungs. The baby would cry everytime the woman stopped her cart. She was obviously frazzled and couldn’t at all concentrate on what she was there to buy, even though she had a detailed list and organized coupons. She didn’t get half of what she went there to buy. And the poor baby- it was found soaking wet on the bottom once they got home and he was taken out of the carrier. And how you ask do I know about the state of the baby once they arrived home? Well in case I forgot to mention it earlier….. that hot mess of a woman was… ME. Ugh, what has happened to me.

Honestly, I don’t mean to be a downer debbie tonight…. but I am just so frustrated. DJ has been working really late, and that is certainly a good thing. BUT, on Saturday night he went to the Hockey Game and then tonight he is down at the Metallica concert. That is great and all…. but I can’t help but to feel a little bitter. I really could use some time off/fun time/time away. I mean, with him working overtime, that means I am handling everything on my own. No break (little as it may be) when he comes home- cause he is coming home so late. And now, on times when he is getting out of work at a decent hour- he is going out and still leaving me to be at home taking care of everything alone. And I am trying to do so much. Budgetting, and couponing, doing my home based business, trying to organize the house, etc. Not to mention that just keeping up with the daily stuff is exhausting enough. Oh, and I am trying to cook healthy meals, and do my turbo jam videos. So, I just feel, sad, alone, lonely, desserted. I know I am being silly, there are so many Moms out there who handle so much more and are single Mom’s…. but, well, I am not supposed to be. I mean, the truth is it wouldn’t even be that bad if I just got SOME encouragement. But I haven’t been keeping the house up so well, and well, he has been coming home and complaining about the mess. What he doesn’t get is that I have picked up Maddie’s bath toys 5 times throughout the day. The girl gets into EVERYTHING… it is just so hard to keep the house picked up at all times. I don’t really talk much to him about this stuff cause I know his take on the whole thing. He never wanted me to stay home, and it is what I wanted. So he doesn’t “Get” why I need help, or a break, etc. And he is right it is what I DO want, and I feel blessed to be doing it. But it really doesn’t change the fact that it is HARD. When I go back to work, aside from the sadness of being away from my kids…. it will be a vacation…that I will get paid for, and get some recognition for. I knew it would be hard… just not sure I knew this hard.

This brings me to another subject, last night I was showering after my workout and I was thinking about how hard it really is. When I was talking to my Boss about leaving work. I went over all of my concerns with him. The biggest one being how people in the ad industry will view me for having taken time to raise my child. (the ad industry is not a very family friendly industry, infact it is full of big-time career driven people.) And he said to me that I would have NO problem getting a job, infact, it would be a positive thing. Even at the time, I didn’t get it. I can’t remember his exact words, when I asked him surprisingly “WHY?” But basically he just said that staying home is one of the hardest jobs, the hugest sacrifice, and people know that. Hmm, now I suddenly get it.

He also told me what I already knew, that it was hard times when him and his wife decided to have her stay home (their income was cut in half as well) and he said that there were many times that he would come home, needing some peace and quiet and didn’t want to talk, and she was dying to have some adult interaction, but that looking back, as hard as it was, neither had regrets about those hard times. I KNOW this will be the case with DJ and I. I, even though it IS hard, already know I am going to look back and not have any regrets… DJ doesn’t know it yet, but I am certain he will feel the same. And he will tell me “you were right Babe, it was a good thing”. But for now, don’t mind me while I virtually slap him on the back of the head (just a love tap of course) in hopes of getting him to be a bit more sensitive on what I am going through right now.

After I (the hot mess) got home from Rite Aid tonight, I was exhausted, near tears, and just down right frustrated. But lucky for me, the little man of the house gave me some much needed baby Cam therapy. (Doesn’t it sometimes seem like they have a 6th sense?) He gurgled and cooed and purred and smiled and laughed (He could actually get some words (babbles) in with Maddie being in bed). It made everything ALL better. There is nothing that a little baby cam therapy can’t make better! So, in his honor tonight, here is a sweet cute picture of my little love love.

Randoms

Poor little Cam is gassy today and not his usual self. He only wants to be held today. Which means that momma has to sit around more than usual…(thanks Cam for the break!) He is asleep in my arms right now as I type this. Every now and again he squirms and a little, albeit quite stinky fart comes out. blah. Anyhow, not sure what is going on with his little system, but he has also puked a lot today after his bottles. He has already had 3 shirt changes.

He now resides in a cute little shirt that my Mom bought for him and stashed in a drawer in her spare bedroom. (at least I assume it was for him). My sister and I found this said shirt in the drawer with some socks and another shirt purchased from the Gap. I am sure she added on some sale items when purchasing clothes for Maddie.

Anyhow, I have no plan really for this blog post today. But I have this feeling I am just going to blab a bunch of random things, hence the name of the post.

Maddie says “Umm” to mean the word yes now-a-days. It makes me laugh. And I know she picked this up from me, but I am not sure why she thinks it means yes.

Me: “Maddie, do you want to eat lunch?”
her: “Umm” (walking to highchair)

Me: “Maddie do you want to go to Papa’s House?”
Her: “Umm” walking towards the back door.

Me: “Maddie do you want to watch a video”
Her: “Umm” (walking to the living room and sits on her couch facing the TV)

SOO Cute, I love it! She also says the same words for Papa and Paca and Please and Cheese sound exactly the same too. ha. Makes me crack up.
Cameron laughs and smiles so much now. Oh, and does he talk. I was worried since he was a boy that he would not babble much. He doesn’t babble as much as Maddie did, but he still babbles. Enough to make me happy. He also does it in this super sweet tone of voice. He purrs at me too, and that just melts my heart.

My Sis and I are going to pay to get a reading from a Medium. I am so freaking excited about this and I cannot wait! I knew of a medium that I wanted to go see, but I could not find a way to get a hold of her. It is really important to me that it is one who I have heard from someone I trust that this person is ligit. And, I found someone that one of my old High School friends went to see.

I finally got the christmas decorations down… (just yesterday) I know, it took me a while. The funny thing is that Maddie never really bothered with the tree decorations much. Until about last Monday. I think even she knew that the tree should be down. She would take a bulb off and bring it over to me. haha. I was like, OK Maddie, I get the hint!

I am also proud of myself because not only did I take the decorations down, but I cleaned out the old decorations that I do not use each year (gave them to my MIL who is a hoarder) and I organized the decoration closet. In the past few years I have just crammed everything to fit into the closet. Then each holiday when I go in, I have a huge mess to contend with, and don’t even always find what I know is in there. Now the spring stuff is last in the closet, next Halloween/Fall etc. ALso, everything is nicely labeled. It feels good. That is one of the reason it took so long to take the decorations down. I promised myself I would do this organization when I put them away this time. I even made enough room in that closet that I can store some of the bulk paper work/materials I have for my home based business. So that is nice.

I bought the Turbo Jam workout DVDs. They are SOOO Fun. I just got them on Friday, but let me tell you, I can already feel a big difference in my fitness level. Today I was running up and down the stairs. Haven’t felt that good in a while. So I am happy. Oh and the videos are FUN. Infact, I have been thinking about how I can’t wait to do the videos all day now. And that is totally not like me when it comes to exercise videos. I am happy. Now I will be more prepared to start my training for the Breast Cancer 3-day.

mmm, what else? I am trying to think of cute things the kids have been doing. I know there has been many lately, but now I am drawing a blank. This is why I have to blog more often, otherwise I forget this stuff!

I am hungry, but I don’t want to get up and disturb Cam. Plus I have only about another 1/2 hour probably before Maddie wakes from her nap. So I guess I will go surf a bit more- and wait for Maddie to eat lunch together.