So, I have moved my blog BACK to blogspot. 

You can now find me at www.LoveAndLaughterEqualsHappiness.blogspot.com

Sorry about the costant switcheroos.

I have been asking her to say Maddie for some time now, and she doesn’t really say it.  But part of that is because whenever she says MOMMY, I say MADDIE back to her, so she thinks it is a game… I ask her “say Maddie” and she says Mommy instead!  So, I am trying to get a way to get her to say Maddie, so finally I just ask, “What is your name” And she puts her index finger on her chest (pointing to herself) and says “ME!!!” 

LOL.

I kinda can’t wait for March to be over.  I am not sure why.  The month started off really well.  But this week has not been so great.  I have a really nice Saturday and Sunday planned, so let’s hope that brings a change to the pace of the week. 

I have still been busy with my business.. and that is going good still.  But I have been working my butt off and not exactly getting the support from home that I would like to get.    I won’t go into that.  On top of that, I have also had a really rough week about my Mom for some reason.  I have no idea.  It really came to a head on Tuesday, which is ironic cause that is the day she passed.  And I often find myself breaking down on a Tuesday and not realizing it until later in the day.  But, I guess it just came to my senses that it has been 6 MONTHS since she passed!  6 MONTHS… geez!  that is a half a year.  Ok, I know you can all do the math on that.  For some reason on Tuesday I just suddenly yearned to see her again, and to hear her voice.  A really BAD yearning.  Something I had not felt in a long time.  She just really kept popping into my thoughts and head ALL day. 

Ok, well enough about that.   I have been doing my training for the 3 day.  The first night I got on the treadmill was Tuesday.  AND, the treadmill sucks.  Iti is an old treadmill that has been carted around 3 too many times!  So, as I am walking, the belt is just going from 2.5- 3.3  to 2.2 etc.  SO I really have no idea what speed I was going.  I also therefore have no idea if it is tracking my miles accurately.  THEN on top of it all, it just gets REALLY stuffy and I swear it smells like something is burning around me.  I thought maybe I was crazy, but I could really feel the stuffy-ness in my chest.  Well, when DJ came downstairs for a sec, he turned up his nose and said, it smells like the belt is burning.    REAL nice.  SO, this kinda puts a bit of a damper in my training….I purposely signed up knowing I had that darn treadmill, so it would make training easier.  When I get to the long miles, like 15 or 18 miles a day.  The bottom line is that I am going to have to do some of those miles inside on that treadmill.  I do not enough time throughout the day to do all those miles outside with the kiddos.  SO, I am thinking I may need to spend my first paycheck from my new business on a new treadmill.  But, that money is supposed to be going towards paying bills.  UGH. 

I went out walking tonight, and it was FREEZING!!  BUT, it certainly does feel good to be moving! 

The funniest thing about my training, is that with my second pregnancy I have no idea what the deal was, but I would get SUPER tired out, from the littlest bit of excursion.  SO on Tuesday when I headed into my 3rd mile of my walk, I started to feel tired and breathy.  Then I remembered, this is how I felt when PG with Cam if I would walk from the couch to the kitchen!  I mean honestly, I was walking around everyday, every minute, like I had just spent 45 minutes walking fast paced on a treadmill.  Ridiculous!  Good thing that Cam is so darn cute.  It was worth it!! 

I am reading The Secret, and I am loving this book!  I am THINKING POSITIVE thoughts.  Which is actually pretty hard with many of the negative people I have around me in my life.  But I am a work in progress, and I am doing my best to brush off negative comments.  It feels good. 

Ok, I think I just blabbed enough.  This is what happens when I do not blog for a while.  You get these random, unstructured posts from me.

Tonight I went out to Target.  Specifically for formula, might I add, and I FORGOT to get the formula!!! UGH and surprisingly enough that is NOT the part that felt sitcom-ish. 

So, as I am balancing my bags from Target and Office Max, and the fast food I grabbed for hubby and I, while trying to get the keys out to get into my back door, I drop the office max bag and my wallet.  As I bend down (it is pitch black out by the way) I somehow manage to set the camera on my phone off and take a picture with the amazingly bright flash right in my face.  I almost fall over from the blinding of the flash!  I had to pause for a minute before I could see again.  Then I looked around to see where the cameras were.    I am happy to say that the picture turned out to be a big blurry blob.  Which is probably for the better… I can just imagine the look on my face if that picture had turned out!!

I have been MIA cause I have been training for a work at home job that I started. I am enjoying the work so far. This week I feel like I am getting somewhere, and I feel like I am balancing home, my other business, and this new one. WaHoo!

Ok, well I just wanted to update real quick. I have to get to bed at a decent hour tonight.

But I just feel SAD for Al. blah. I mean my birthday sucked this year, and I am a grow-up. Who knows, maybe it is harder on us. I guess it just really surprised me how much I missed her on my Birthday. I felt kinda selfish in a weird way. Like you know, you try to act like if a friend misses your birthday or something it is not a big deal. Cause you don’t want to seem so self-centered, so I felt kinda guilty being sad that she was not here on that day. The funny thing too is that the first time the phone rang at my house that day, I actually thought, op, there is Mom calling to wish me Happy Birthday. Then my mind is like Whoa, did I just think that? But you don’t realize how much you count on that call to just come in. Now had she been here and called, I would have thanked her, but brushed it off almost as unnecessary. But I guess a call from your Mom on such a day never really is.

I just hope Al was able to make it through the day without the constant nagging feeling of something missing on his birthday like I felt on mine.

I forgot that I have been praying to God and talking to my mom about what I am to do about staying home versus my career, etc.  Times are getting more and more tough.  DJ is getting worried about being layed off (well isn’t everyone).  Either way he has not worked nearly as much this winter as he normally does!  SOOO, I have been worried and scared, and well, confused.  I have been just wondering WHY this is happening the way it is.  And just asking for a little sign, or a push in one direction or another. 

I have been praying for this and talking to my Mom about this since before Christmas.  I have been asking for this fairly, I think.  It was not like I was asking to win the lottery or something.  I was more asking for guidance, and for something to happen, as long as I put the work into it.  I was willing to work hard for it, but I just wanted to get something out of the hard work.  I guess I kinda stopped praying about this recently, and I forgot all about it. 

I started freaking out after the first of the year, and was thinking I need to get a part-time job.  Of course at this point, there is NO WAY I can leave Maddie, and then I can’t help but to think of all the new Cameron things I would be missing out on.  SO, I am thinking like a night time job or something.  Racking my brain.  Then it hits me.  I have this home based business already set up.  I have a decent customer base, I have all of the tools I need to work this business… why wouldn’t I just step that up. 

So, I do.  I truly just start putting some work into it!  I just start taking the training available to me, and just doing the work.  It certainly did pay off.  I had a great January in sales.  I am also very close to getting a raise by hitting $15,000 in career sales.    My February is also looking really great!  Better than January.  Wahooo! 

But the reason I am wriring.  Friday the 23rd I have a show for my home based business.  I just had a premonition all day long that I was going to meet someone or something from here on out was going to happen that was going to change my business.  My thought was that someone was going to come up to me and say they wanted to work the business without my having to ask.  Well, that did not happen.  BUT, there was girl my age there.  Lives in my hometown.  She is just a great person.  She runs some Mom groups in my hometown.  I am excited about the possibility to network with those groups.  But then there is more.  She works from home and has built a really exceptional business.  So after much talk and consideration, I decide to go into business with her.  But, it is not all about the business.  SHE is just amazing.  She has freshened my life.  Since my Mom has passed, I haven’t had such the positive outlook on life as I used to.  I haven’t had the jump in my step, the desire to be a good person, the want to be moving and going and producing, etc.  Well, since my new business partner has come into my life… I swear all of that is back.  And in this short time, it has improved my home life, my Home based business, etc.  I feel like the OLD ME again!  YAY!!! 

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering… I am not quitting my previous home based business.  I love it too much, and am doing too well.  Plus, I AM going to Disney in 2010 compliments of this company!!! 

The award states: “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

And the next eight “Friends” awards are given to:
1. Kristin @ My Next Thirty Years
2. Heidi @ HEIDI THEOPHILUS
3. Marisa @ The Alexander Family
4. Bridget @ Mama Belly Blog
5. Amy @ Diaries of a SuperMom
6. Nora @ That Nora Girl
7. Ceci @ My Life With Ethan
8. ChefAnn @ Etsy Ann

“Well, I know this is a sin….but what isn’t around here…I’m just gonna do it and I’ll ask for forgiveness after. I mean, if I don’t sin, how is a girl supposed to have fun anyhow?”

I am trying to get this on video. But it seems I only get either the “no,no,no,no” or the shaking of the head. For some reason I have yet to get it in unison, and that is what makes it cuter than cute.

Today, I shook my finger at her, and she shook hers back at me with a big, devious smile on her face. Boy am I in trouble.

She walked in all frazzled- a toddler on one hip, carrying a baby in a carrier in the other arm. She hadn’t showered, had gray roots taking over her highlighted head. She sighed and grunted getting the toddler into the cart, with the baby carrier inside the cart. The toddler, had a runny nose, and was yelling for water at almost the top of her lungs. The baby would cry everytime the woman stopped her cart. She was obviously frazzled and couldn’t at all concentrate on what she was there to buy, even though she had a detailed list and organized coupons. She didn’t get half of what she went there to buy. And the poor baby- it was found soaking wet on the bottom once they got home and he was taken out of the carrier. And how you ask do I know about the state of the baby once they arrived home? Well in case I forgot to mention it earlier….. that hot mess of a woman was… ME. Ugh, what has happened to me.

Honestly, I don’t mean to be a downer debbie tonight…. but I am just so frustrated. DJ has been working really late, and that is certainly a good thing. BUT, on Saturday night he went to the Hockey Game and then tonight he is down at the Metallica concert. That is great and all…. but I can’t help but to feel a little bitter. I really could use some time off/fun time/time away. I mean, with him working overtime, that means I am handling everything on my own. No break (little as it may be) when he comes home- cause he is coming home so late. And now, on times when he is getting out of work at a decent hour- he is going out and still leaving me to be at home taking care of everything alone. And I am trying to do so much. Budgetting, and couponing, doing my home based business, trying to organize the house, etc. Not to mention that just keeping up with the daily stuff is exhausting enough. Oh, and I am trying to cook healthy meals, and do my turbo jam videos. So, I just feel, sad, alone, lonely, desserted. I know I am being silly, there are so many Moms out there who handle so much more and are single Mom’s…. but, well, I am not supposed to be. I mean, the truth is it wouldn’t even be that bad if I just got SOME encouragement. But I haven’t been keeping the house up so well, and well, he has been coming home and complaining about the mess. What he doesn’t get is that I have picked up Maddie’s bath toys 5 times throughout the day. The girl gets into EVERYTHING… it is just so hard to keep the house picked up at all times. I don’t really talk much to him about this stuff cause I know his take on the whole thing. He never wanted me to stay home, and it is what I wanted. So he doesn’t “Get” why I need help, or a break, etc. And he is right it is what I DO want, and I feel blessed to be doing it. But it really doesn’t change the fact that it is HARD. When I go back to work, aside from the sadness of being away from my kids…. it will be a vacation…that I will get paid for, and get some recognition for. I knew it would be hard… just not sure I knew this hard.

This brings me to another subject, last night I was showering after my workout and I was thinking about how hard it really is. When I was talking to my Boss about leaving work. I went over all of my concerns with him. The biggest one being how people in the ad industry will view me for having taken time to raise my child. (the ad industry is not a very family friendly industry, infact it is full of big-time career driven people.) And he said to me that I would have NO problem getting a job, infact, it would be a positive thing. Even at the time, I didn’t get it. I can’t remember his exact words, when I asked him surprisingly “WHY?” But basically he just said that staying home is one of the hardest jobs, the hugest sacrifice, and people know that. Hmm, now I suddenly get it.

He also told me what I already knew, that it was hard times when him and his wife decided to have her stay home (their income was cut in half as well) and he said that there were many times that he would come home, needing some peace and quiet and didn’t want to talk, and she was dying to have some adult interaction, but that looking back, as hard as it was, neither had regrets about those hard times. I KNOW this will be the case with DJ and I. I, even though it IS hard, already know I am going to look back and not have any regrets… DJ doesn’t know it yet, but I am certain he will feel the same. And he will tell me “you were right Babe, it was a good thing”. But for now, don’t mind me while I virtually slap him on the back of the head (just a love tap of course) in hopes of getting him to be a bit more sensitive on what I am going through right now.

After I (the hot mess) got home from Rite Aid tonight, I was exhausted, near tears, and just down right frustrated. But lucky for me, the little man of the house gave me some much needed baby Cam therapy. (Doesn’t it sometimes seem like they have a 6th sense?) He gurgled and cooed and purred and smiled and laughed (He could actually get some words (babbles) in with Maddie being in bed). It made everything ALL better. There is nothing that a little baby cam therapy can’t make better! So, in his honor tonight, here is a sweet cute picture of my little love love.