I feel sad this evening
February 9, 2009
About my Mom being gone. I haven’t thought about it much lately (I mean, I NEVER forget) but it has seemed to get a bit easier. But I have also been keeping myself busy. And like I said, I have certainly been feeling like I have been more of myself lately. But yesterday was my Nephew’s birthday and today we did the celebrating. It is the first of the kids birthdays since my Moms passing. Other than Cam’s actual BIRTH day. But, well, he doesn’t know about celebrations with her here.
But I just feel SAD for Al. blah. I mean my birthday sucked this year, and I am a grow-up. Who knows, maybe it is harder on us. I guess it just really surprised me how much I missed her on my Birthday. I felt kinda selfish in a weird way. Like you know, you try to act like if a friend misses your birthday or something it is not a big deal. Cause you don’t want to seem so self-centered, so I felt kinda guilty being sad that she was not here on that day. The funny thing too is that the first time the phone rang at my house that day, I actually thought, op, there is Mom calling to wish me Happy Birthday. Then my mind is like Whoa, did I just think that? But you don’t realize how much you count on that call to just come in. Now had she been here and called, I would have thanked her, but brushed it off almost as unnecessary. But I guess a call from your Mom on such a day never really is.
I just hope Al was able to make it through the day without the constant nagging feeling of something missing on his birthday like I felt on mine.
